Saturday, August 16, 2008

Unfortunate URLS

Penile Implant (http://www.myspace.com/penileimplant)
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huh???

STD Carrier (http://www.myspace.com/stdcarrier)
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Thanks for the heads up.

Biggest Whore Ever (http://www.myspace.com/biggestwhoreever)
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I'm surprised she only has 3 friends, then.

Bestiality (http://www.myspace.com/bestiality)
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What the fuck is in the background??? "Hi. I'm bestiality, and I'm a John Lennon fan." Now you know why I like Paul.



Punkcock! (http://www.myspace.com/punkcock)
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What does that mean, exactly?

Metal Cock (http://www.myspace.com/metalcock)
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Genre cocks are apparently popular these days.

Thanks for the glitter graphics comment lady!

Often times I come upon a real creep on myspace that I cannot write about because their profile is private. I try adding them with my personal page, or the band page, or whatever I can think of or come up with to trick them into letting me in. Every once in a while, it turns out I'm not cool enough to be friends with them, and they deny me. Luckily, this was not one of those cases. I present Mademoiselle Absinthe.
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She claims to live, "in a teeny village in Northern Ireland."
I don't believe her.
If you read her about me, it is the usual fare. By that I mean, they say weird personal things about themselves and you wonder why the hell they would want to share such weirdness with people. Weirder still is this girl. Why? Her profile was private, so you think, "ok well she is only sharing it with her friends." The problem here though is not only is it weird to read as a stranger, it would be weird to be read as a friend considering the fact it is written as if to a stranger.
Does that make sense? Read it again.
Here is her "about me"
"Lonely little Irish girl who has recently come out of her shell in a BIG way. I want to travel and leave my boring little island ASAP. I am a self-confessed shopaholic and adore designer labels, high heel shoes and anything sparkly. I am a big fan of corsets particularly Agent Provocateur, Bayliss & Knight and Fairy GothMother. I'm a former goth who has blossomed into a burlesque glamour queen over this past year. As I've said fashion is my passion and I have a wardrobe to die for...seriously if it ever falls on someone they're a goner. Having recently cleaned out my shoe cupboard I found I had 78 pairs. A girl can never have too may heels though and I will wear all of them...eventually. "

Fashion is her passion, huh? Never heard a girl say that before. How original. Check out this siqq fashion:
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Oh, by fashion you mean you like to pose in your bedroom in your undies. How. . . cutting edge.
I think she has about 100 pictures of herself (as well as some cheesy comment graphics) and maybe 2 of them feature her wearing anything other than lingerie.
There is a problem I noticed though:
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Doesn't seem to make her terribly happy. Looks like she is still more Goth than Burlesque. Not that I am an expert, but that scowl looks decidedly Goth to me.

Usually the weirdos I find have at least one theme (besides underwear) going on that I find particularly funny, that they for some reason think is really fucking cool. In the past there was Rockin Ron and his backyard guitar shreddery, for example. For this chick, it is your average, every day. . .
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Goth/Burlesque chick tied to a green obelisk theme. Yeah, that's normal.
Almost as normal as a girl finding the following picture and saying to herself, "oh, teehee, that is cute. I should put THAT one on my myspace:"
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And:
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I'll second the latter.


I think I am going to send this one to CNN and tell them I found the bride-corpse of Bigfoot:
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Saturday, August 9, 2008

I was going to do a post about why I haven't done any recent posts. But then I remembered one of the first lessons I learned about writing when I was working towards my degree therein:
"The reader doesn't give a shit about you." (would someone PLEASE tell Dave Eggers this?)

So. Nevermind. Update soon.